Normally meeting new people can be quite refreshing and maybe even life changing…Unless of course those ‘friends’ manage to worm their way in, completely uninvited and just swallow you up.
I’d heard about anxiety and depression and all of the stigma that goes along with it quite often…i never really understood what it was or what it meant. I also never thought it would affect me in my lifetime.
I’ve had a difficult life and a troubled childhood, but as i got older, i managed to take a bit more control and reach out for what i wanted. I met a wonderful man, moved into a lovely flat, had a decent job…So you could say i was ticking all the boxes! An outsider might ask “What’s she got to be sad about?”, or simply say “she’ll get over it!” but unfortunately that’s the classic comment that comes from a person who simply doesn’t understand. i was one of those people until my two new friends strolled into my life out of the blue one day and taught me how not to cope.
I suppose you could call Anxiety and depression a Koala who just clings on to you and won’t let go, or a huge black cloud that constantly follows you around, awaits the moment you get slightly happy and then proceeds to rain all over you. Over a year down the line since being diagnosed, i still desperately cling on to the hope that one day i will just simply be able to ‘shake it off’, maybe i will just wake up feeling amazing and notice the sunshine instead of the black cloud? I really wish it was that simple. There are days when I become completely crippled and consumed by my new friends and other days where i feel strong enough to say ‘not today!”
Unlike many people, i am so lucky to have a supportive husband and a small group of supportive friends, I always try to remember as the black cloud looms, that they are there for me and they are what keeps me going and keeps me strong.
I’ve learnt to keep them close and use them as my strength, because without them, i have no idea where i’d be…