So today was my 5th counselling session out of 8. I never thought in a million years that I would be happy to sit and discuss my worries and problems with a complete stranger, but here I am, 5 sessions in.
When I was first diagnosed last year, I found it incredibly difficult to talk to anyone about my problems, including my doctor and even my loved ones. I could write some things down, and maybe tell people things occasionally, but I could never divulge how serious things actually were. I’m so good at putting on a happy front and getting on with things, in fact that is what I’ve done all my life, but over the last year, i’ve come to realise that keeping things bottled up is NEVER going to get me anywhere.
So a few weeks ago, I made the brave decision to go to counselling! Sitting there in my first session was one of the most nerve-wracking things I think I’ve ever done. The fear of the unknown was overwhelming. I wasn’t sure what I would be asked, expected to say or to do..It was horrible. But to my complete surprise it wasn’t long at all before I felt comfortable and my counsellor couldn’t shut me up!
Since being diagnosed, the common question has been “what do you think has caused this?” If i got a pound for every time I’ve been asked that same question, I’d be sat on a beach in the Maldives right now instead of rainy Britain!! I’ve never known the answer to that question, no matter how much time i’ve spent soul-searching and thinking it over, i’ve never been able to pin point it, until I started counselling.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that as frustrating as it is to try to figure out what is causing an illness of any type, there is usually an answer..whether it’s one thing or a number of things, there will be some sort of cause. Counselling has enabled me to talk to someone outside of my usual circle, a stranger. I don’t feel like i’m being a burden on her by offloading once a week, and in return, she can offer advise without being biased.
Coming to the end of my sessions in a couple of weeks is daunting as I feel like I’m going to lose a loved one in a way, as odd as that sounds! So i’m making the most over every single second I have with her!
So any of you who may be reading this and feeling like you’ve got no one to talk to…try counselling! You never have to commit, there’s always an introductory session where you can get a feel for it and see if you click with your counsellor and you certainly wouldn’t be letting them down if you feel you don’t want to continue! So please give it a go…it might help..