Why?!?!?!

I’ve never been the sort of person to ask “why me?” I’ve had a pretty traumatic life that some people wouldn’t have come out the other side of…for that I don’t expect sympathy, compliments about how well I’ve dealt with it etc…but what I do expect is for people to understand.

Being quite new to mental illness and all its delightful attributes, I haven’t quite gotten the hang of it yet. I’m still feeling my way and trying to work out how the hell to deal with it all. One thing I have realised though is the huge lack of understanding from others. I mean surely some of it is common sense and pretty basic? But it seems that as more and more people around the world become wrapped up in some horrible form of mental illness, fewer people are understanding it and helping the stigma to grow!

I’m currently off work due to a bout of anxiety and depression which seems to have strolled in uninvited and taken over…I absolutely love my job as a teaching assistant so as you can imagine, the more this is taking over, the more resent I am feeling, not just of the illness, but of myself for letting it in.

It seems as though people who aren’t going through anything like this themselves, think that one day I just decided to wake up and feel depressed and anxious 24/7…i chose to feel this overwhelming self-doubt in everything i do or say, i wanted this ominous black cloud to rain all over everything…

NO! Believe it or not I didn’t choose this illness, it chose me! Sometimes I wake up in the morning wishing I hadn’t…it is not a choice thing and I’d never wish it on anyone…obviously there are good days, but it’s hard to fully enjoy those days when I constantly feel the fear of an oncoming bad day.

This isn’t me throwing myself a pity party, or asking “why me?” but simply just verbalizing my desperation for people to understand..

Sometimes a little support is needed to keep you going you know? 😦

“Just because you don’t understand it, doesn’t mean it isn’t so”

                                        Lemony Snicket

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